In God We Trust

By Crystal Drake

In 2018, the Florida legislature passed a law that requires all public schools to display our national motto. I recently visited a high school that has complied and posted the picture on my social media. So far, I have received 225 positive responses and 14 shares. This blog is a response to the popularity of that post. (225 means viral in my little world!)

This motto may not be posted on our schools (yet), but trusting God has always been in the forefront of American schools. Even when schools were directed to stop having institutionalized morning prayers – parents, students, maintenance staff, custodial staff, teachers’ aides, substitutes, lunchroom workers, counselors, secretaries, teachers, and administrators were all still praying on public school campuses. Kids were praying in the lunchroom before eating, students were reading their Bibles during mandatory silent reading times, students were studying the Bible during school sponsored Fellowship of Christian Athletes meetings or during World History classes, taking school buses to FCA events where prayer is freely demonstrated on public school campuses through football camps to abstinence education. Students have been taking public school buses to secular movie theaters to watch Christian movies. Teachers have walked the rows in their classrooms and prayed over the environment and stopped at certain desks where their most challenging students sat and offered up specific prayers for that child. I even know teachers who have lead students to Christ during lunch. I know teachers who give up their free lunch period, weeknights and weekends to hold FCA meetings and answer questions that students are afraid to ask their parents. And I’m talking about public schools!

Please, don’t dismay because you haven’t seen these words in your kids’ school yet – those of us in education, have ALWAYS had trust in God, otherwise, it would be almost impossible to even make it through one week. We have known that ‘with God all things are possible’ (Matthew 19:26). That’s why we are still in there fighting for children, even the ones that make us want to pull our hair out! I can’t wait for my own district to officially post those words on the walls of our schools, but it’s really a declaration to those on the outside, because those of us in the trenches have always known its truth.

I want to give you some ideas of how you can help. 1 – If you are against abortion, find some young preteen girls and boys to minister to through an abstinence program. Support it financially or give a presentation about your life and the mistakes you made. Don’t just say abortion is horrific – do something tangible to keep young girls from getting pregnant in the first place. Your local FCA chapter supports these programs. 2 – If you think school violence is on the rise (and if you don’t, you haven’t been watching the news), volunteer to work on improving the mental health services in your area. I recently learned that the shooter in Parkland, FL had been referred to mental health services at the age of three! There are many hurting children walking the halls of our schools every day that need help and encouragement. Try mentoring one. 3 – Work on federal and state legislation that reprimands schools for disciplining students with disabilities, which makes schools reluctant to punish inappropriate behavior or remove students who may be a danger to themselves or others. 4 – Work on legislation that makes identifying a student as a bully, result in a mountain of paperwork for administrators, which results in overworked, stressed out people, being reluctant to identify them. 5 – Pray for everyone in education from D.C. down to the local schools to realize how vitally important their role is in improving our education system. You’d better believe ‘In God We Trust!”

Featured

Don’t Let Your Children Run Away!

Photo by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi on Pexels.com

“I’m going to run away,” I cried!

“Go ahead, I’ll help you pack your bags,” she responded.

Those words still echo in my soul sometimes. As an adult, I understand now that they were meant as sarcasm…I think! But as a child, they hit me like a bullet going straight through a little girl’s heart. I was a child who lived with my grandparents most of my life beginning at one month old, but off and on, when I was in 4^th – 7^th grade, I did part of that time with my mom.

There was always a sense of not being wanted that loomed around me like a dark cloud. If I misbehaved at one home, I was told, “Well, you can just go back and live with your grandparents if you don’t like my rules.” Or “We’ll send you back to your mother if you don’t behave.” So I learned how to be a ‘good girl’ so that I would be allowed to stay.

“The tongue has the power of life and death…”(Proverbs 18:21). If we don’t believe that words have power, we are going to hurt others and be hurt numerous times in our lives; so many people sling powerful words around like a loaded shotgun shooting holes in the walls without even realizing all the damage they are causing. I’m certain I’ve been guilty of this myself. When hurtful words come at us like fiery darts, we’d better put up our shields. If not, we’ll be walking around injured for decades, without even realizing that there were some painful words that we internalized that created that still touchy scar.

Be careful how you talk to others, especially children. Let them know that they are important and that even if you are aggravated with their behavior – you love and care for them as a human being and that they are not only wanted, but cherished. There are many words I spoke to my children that I wish I could rescind, thank goodness for God’s grace that has covered so many of my mistakes.

However, we can learn to apply the scripture that says, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good…” (Genesis 50:20). So, years later when my own children shouted, “I’m going to run away!” I gently replied, “Please don’t do that, I don’t want you to leave.” That was one battle the enemy lost when he tried to engage me again. I didn’t repeat the generational “pack your bags” line. No…I drew a line in the sand and ended that curse and so can you. Take what the enemy has hurt you with and turn it around and use it against him in Jesus’ name! In education, we call that using a non-example!

Featured

Tidy Up Your Thoughts

I have currently been mesmerized by the Marie Kondo phenomenon. She’s written books and even has a Netflix show on organizing your home. However, her process includes an unusual way of getting one’s home ‘tidy’, not necessarily clean, but tidy. Everything in your home must be analyzed and then either given or thrown away OR kept and stored so that its owner can truly appreciate the item. She recommends starting with clothing; students are instructed to place ALL of their clothes in a huge pile on the bed or floor. She says one needs to see the sheer volume of their possessions before beginning to decide which items to keep. Kondo describes the procedure by telling her students to hold the item and ask if it brings joy. Is there a thrill as the item is touched, is it truly loved, does it spark joy? If the answer is yes, the item must be kept and a special home for the item must be created. If, however, there are no positive feelings associated with the item, it must go immediately.

As I contemplated this process, I thought about our minds, our thought lives and emotions, and I began to compare them to the items in our homes. I wondered if the same strategies could be used to declutter our thinking patterns and emotions. “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Philippians 4:8

Imagine this scenario…begin by taking all of your thoughts and putting them on the table in front of you so that you can see the sheer volume of thoughts and emotions you own – both the positive and negative. For example, the jealousy you feel when someone else gets something you desperately want and you cover it up with a smile that is so insincere you feel like a contortionist. The envy of seeing other people succeed while you don’t seem to be making any progress. The insecurity you feel when someone belittles you or your ideas and you want to slither out under the rug quickly and quietly. The guilt you experience when you remember something from your past that always seems to be lurking in the back corner of your mind waiting on its chance to jump to the forefront. The frustration you feel rising within you, like water coming to a boil on the stove, when your customer service experience makes you feel as if you’re an imposition instead of a paying consumer. But don’t forget to put the good thoughts on the table too, like the joy you feel when a child embraces you and you feel so accepted. The pure joy that overwhelms you when your family sits down together to eat and talk and laugh, as if nothing else is going on in the world that deserves your attention in those moments. The satisfaction you feel when you finally reach a goal you worked hard to achieve and you realize the sacrifices were worth the reward. The love you feel for a beloved spouse who knows all your flaws, yet still chooses to be with you. Now…once they are all out on the table, pick each one up and hold it in your hands. Ask yourself, “Does this thought or feeling bring me joy?” If so, fold it neatly and store it vertically in your mind so that you can quickly find it when needed, Marie Kondo style. If not, say goodbye, knowing that you received some satisfaction from that feeling somewhere in your past, but now you’ve grown and you realize you don’t need that with you anymore.

This is the process we all need to go through so that we can focus on what our Creator intended, before we allowed too many ‘things’ to crowd our minds. We are loved and accepted and we need not dwell on thoughts that don’t bring us joy. Thank you Marie Kondo, for not only helping me get my house tidied up, but for reminding me that if I keep only those thoughts and feelings that align with the Word of God and get rid of the others, I will be full of real joy. The unspeakable joy that only Jesus Christ can bring.

Courage

Crystal Drake

Courage is the opposite of fear. When I imagine what fear looks like, I think of my youngest granddaughter. She struggles sometimes with trying new experiences. For example, going down new water slides sometimes challenges her courage. When introduced to a new one, she usually hesitates trying it out. She needs encouragement from those she trusts. But even more convincing, she needs to see someone she knows do it first! That is usually all it takes to get her to take the plunge and then that first triumphant splash into the water is followed with many more; all the while she’s smiling and grinning at her own newfound courage. It’s equally gratifying as the grandparent to witness this visual transformation take place – from fear to courage.

As adults, our fears are less obvious and harder to pinpoint in our daily lives. I recently read this quote, “Courage pushes you to resist the impulse to shy away from the things that stir up your innermost anxieties.” This statement really struck me because I recognized myself in those words. I like peace and I am not always comfortable in confrontational situations. So when a conversation or situation begins to “stir up my innermost anxieties” I tend to back away. Now when I was younger and feisty, I loved a good argument. But as I’ve grown in wisdom, I’ve learned that throwing your best verbal punch at your opponent’s most vulnerable spot can cause lethal damage to relationships. So I’ve learned to be more careful with my words, to choose my battles, and to apologize first even when I’m certain the other person owes me one. These subtle social graces have allowed me to navigate some situations that otherwise, could have become full blown, all out wars.

However, as a leader in my community, I’ve found myself in multiple conversations that created that “innermost anxiety”. My first impulse is to “shy away” just to keep peace. On the other hand though, I firmly believe that anxiety of any kind in any area of our lives is a tool of our enemy. We need peace in every area and at all times. We need peace with every family member, every co-worker, every friend and yes, even every foe. The Bible teaches us that we “wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places”. Therefore, we have to realize that when we have conflict with others, it is an opportunity to tear down walls that the enemy has built. Without any resistance, walls continue to divide us. But with constructive dialogue (preceded by prayer), disagreements can be settled. People can forgive each other and begin to see new perspectives that we never considered.

I don’t consider myself a fearful person because I’ve challenged myself many times to take bold steps and try seemingly impossible tasks. Sometimes I’ve failed, but I’ve also had successes. But reading this quote has made me want to get more of my anxieties out in the open. When the light of Jesus is shed on anxieties – they disappear. And when our anxieties are gone, we can boldly walk over to those water slide steps and confidently push ourselves off from the safety of our comfort zones. At that moment, we will find ourselves cruising along at incredibly exhilarating speeds enjoying the cool water and then splashing down into the success and the life that God planned for us all along with that smile of courage on our faces.

Palm Sunday 2020

As I sit in my quiet home, I miss the laughter and the voices of my grandchildren, even their sarcasm about how short I am or how much my grey hair is making me look like a real “granny”. I miss spending time with my friends, seeing my students & my co-workers. I begin to wonder if this is how Jesus feels when I decide to ‘social distance’ myself from Him at times.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I shy away from Him because some of the things he tells me to do rip away at my flesh or at least make my skin crawl like fingernails on a chalk board. So, to avoid having to do any of those hard chores, I just sort of ‘check out’ for awhile. Oh, I still pray, go to church, pay my tithe and fulfill my obligations as a good Christian, but my heart isn’t really in it. It’s like the time I sent a bowl of butter in my husband’s lunch box instead of the leftover venison back strap he was bragging to his buddies about having for lunch! (BTW – he said I wasn’t putting my heart into his lunches and after I made this mistake TWICE, he decided to make his own lunches and did so until he retired.) I’m so sorry Papa Dub. But back to the issue, I sometimes do the same thing with my heavenly Father. I’m doing what I’m supposed to do, but I’m not climbing up into his lap and really getting close to Him, because I think I’m subconsciously afraid He’s going to tell me to go clean my room or even worse – maybe apologize to someone!

I’ve determined to use this newfound quiet time, that is always there when we step off the hampster wheel for awhile or receive a Stay-At-Home order from your Governor. I’m beginning to cultivate a new deeper intimacy with my spouse and my God. It’s amazing how much easier it is to hear His voice when we slow down.

How will I do it? I will talk to him and then…listen. I recently read a book and took a course called Crucial Conversations, which I highly recommend to anyone who wants to improve your communication skills. One of the common sense strategies, which we all know, was to listen – really listen to the other person. I have the bad habit of half listening to you while I’m planning what I will say next and if you don’t hurry up, I will probably just interrupt you because I know I’ll forget what I wanted to say if I don’t. This isn’t listening! God speaks to us in many ways: through our thoughts, our memories, our emotions, our will, our spouses, our friends, our enemies, His word, other random people, something in nature that suddenly catches our attention, the breeze, an animal, and the list goes on and on because I believe He speaks to each of us in our own special way. He created us, so He knows how to get our attention.

To conclude, He’s always speaking. We just have to learn to hear Him and then to do what He asks us to do, with our heart in it! If we really love Him, we won’t put the butter bowl in the lunch box…again!

Left Out!

By Crystal Drake

Have you ever felt left out of something? Maybe it was a party, a special event or just a friend get together. For some reason, they didn’t invite you. You feel a little sting and you begin to wonder if perhaps you did something offensive to cause this injustice. Your mind begins to search back and the little rainbow wheel in your head is turning just like the one on your computer. It hurts to be left out. We all try to pretend that it doesn’t matter and that we’re fine. But deep down, there’s a nagging sting that keeps presenting itself to our mind for several days afterwards. Why does it matter so much? Why can’t we just let it roll off the proverbial duck’s back? I think the answer might be that we take it personally. We tend to believe that it was intentional and that we just aren’t valued or liked or good enough to be invited. When in fact, many times, it truly wasn’t even personal. It was simply an oversight, or an intentional decision made for a reason that has nothing to do with us personally. Regardless of the reason, learning how to shake these things off quickly is key to maintaining our joy and our confidence. It also keeps us from forming grudges against people, which is not what we are called to do as Christians.

I know someone who is able to do this pretty well. She was recently slighted in something that could have easily ended a friendship. But, she decided not to let it affect her. She came up with a list of reasons why she was better off for not being included. For example, maybe you don’t have to worry about attending the event that is miles away, you don’t have to get a babysitter, you don’t have to buy a gift or a new dress, or you don’t have to be anxious about doing something you didn’t want to do in the first place…all because you weren’t invited. If you choose to change your perspective when you feel left out, it can seriously help you ignore the sting. We should realize that we too, have probably left someone out before. We may not have even realized it, but perhaps we hurt someone else. If we want forgiveness then we have to give it also.

I once received an invitation to the Florida Sunshine Ball hosted by Governor Rick Scott and his wife that was being held in Washington, D.C.. I wasn’t sure why I received it, but it made me feel very special and important and I saved the invitation. One day I was looking at it again and I felt compelled to re-write the invitation. This is what I wrote:

The Governor of the World and His Son

Request the honor of your presence at the

Eternal Heavenly Ball

Date & time established but not revealed

Glory Auditorium

Air transportation will be provided

Your RSVP has already been received & you are on the guest list

Invitations are non-transferable

Black tie not required

New clothing will be provided upon arrival

Event is sponsored by ‘I Am’ a/k/a your Father

We all receive this invitation, but many of our friends and family have not sent their RSVP back yet. If you’ve already secured yours, then get up and go talk to someone that you want to see there and help them get theirs sent in asap. This is the only function we should be concerned about attending, the rest are merely social events. “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things on earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.” If you don’t get invited to the event, create your own party and refuse to get caught in the trap of offense. You’re smarter than that and there are more invitations to extend!

Leadership

By Crystal Drake – Great leadership isn’t simply having the courage to speak up in public meetings. I’ve seen and heard a lot of people do that in the past and they have not inspired me to follow them. It also is not a condescending attitude towards others who share a different perspective in an attempt to quiet them. I’ve also witnessed that behavior and I have seen it shut down others in the room that may actually have had a great idea or solution but were intimidated into being silent. Truly effective leadership is being able to articulate your thoughts and ideas in ways that those listening will consider your input as valid and be willing to consider incorporating your ideas into their own reasoning process. It also means that you are willing and capable of doing the same information assimilation with new information or perspective from those around you. This is what transforms someone from being a ‘figure-head’ into being an agent for positive change and movement towards a shared goal. That is the essence of great leadership. It hinges on your reputation and the level of trust your listeners have for you. Your audience must trust you to be honest and transparent. They must know that you are not speaking out of self-interest alone, but they must believe that your intentions are for the good of the organization (or the family in a smaller context). If you personally benefit, that’s okay, as long as the organization/family benefits also and that the advantages you will gain are being made transparent. That is the foundation of civic virtue.

For example, my son wanted to play T-ball. I went to the Youth Athletics Organization meeting. It was determined at the meeting that T-ball would not be offered that year due to a lack of coaches. They would only be supporting Little League and Girls’ Softball. I was so disappointed that I wanted to throw my sucker in the dirt. But instead, I volunteered to coach a T-Ball team and promised that I would find other coaches if they would agree to offer T-Ball. I left that meeting agreeing to do something that I had never even witnessed before, but I was becoming a problem solver! Was I motivated by self-interest? Sure, I wanted my kid to get to play ball. Fortunately, my self-interest was beneficial to my community as well because a lot of other kids got to play that year that wouldn’t have had the opportunity. That’s called a win-win. This is an example of civic virtue at work.

I’ve learned in my short time as an elected official serving on a board, that being a leader is more than simply being vocal. In fact, being vocal is often irritating to those less inclined to engage in discussion. It takes building credibility with your peers, listening, respecting others, asking questions, having tough conversations and following through. But, most importantly, it takes a commitment to do and say what you believe is right regardless of what others might think or say. It takes being willing to possibly lose the approval of those around you. As an elected official, it also takes an internal moral obligation against doing something out of a desire to be re-elected, instead of doing what you know is right and appropriate. In short, it takes guts!

When I think of leadership in the Bible, I immediately think of Moses and the task that God gave him to lead his people to the ‘Promised Land’. Moses was unsure of his leadership skills; he had to learn to trust God. God used unusual and strange events to assist Moses on his journey that sometimes looked ridiculous to his followers. Yet, they learned to trust him. The sad part of Moses’ story is that he did not get to enter the ‘Promised Land’ with his people. His mistake came when he stopped trusting God. “For you shall see the land before you, but you shall not go there.” (Deuteronomy 32:52) God instructed Moses to SPEAK to the rock, but instead he struck the rock with his staff, as had been done in the past. God wanted Moses to do something new and different. It was a minor difference with a huge consequence. So perhaps, the real secret to being a successful leader who gets to see the outcome of his or her work, is to listen to God and do EXACTLY as He instructs, even if it has never been done before. Go coach a t-ball team!

Bridle Your Tongue

By Crystal Drake

Have you ever sinned at 5:00 a.m.? Well, I have and it was today; the enemy gets up early! I was working out with my exercise partner in her garage and all of a sudden I heard malicious gossip spewing out of my mouth like water from a fire hydrant. In my defense, I WAS still half asleep. But nonetheless, there was something in my flesh that felt good as I told my friend something negative about, get this, ANOTHER friend. Yes, the person I was talking about is someone that I actually respect and admire …a lot. So why was I so quick to tell another person something negative that I knew about another friend? What’s wrong with me? I knew as soon as I started talking that it wasn’t right, that it was against the Word of God, okay – I’ll say it – it was blatant sin. Yet, I kept right on talking and feeling somewhat smug in my attempt to make my friend think less of this person. The truth is, I’ve done far worse things myself, and those I wouldn’t be caught dead talking about!

So what in the world is a Christian woman doing repeating gossip? And get this, it was old gossip – something that happened over 30 years ago! When we say negative things about other people, I believe it reveals a lack of confidence in us. If we are truly confident in whom we are and we have the realization that the only good in us comes from Jesus, we would have no desire to point out others’ weaknesses. When I looked up scriptures on gossip, I found several. But this one in Proverbs 10:18, hit me between the eyes like a baseball, “Whoever conceals hatred with lying lips and spreads slander is a fool.” So just when I think I’m making spiritual progress on becoming more like Jesus, I realize I’m actually just a fool! These reminders of how easily we can slip into sin keep us grounded and dependent on Christ daily. I can’t do this Christian ‘lifestyle’ on my own.

I wish I could figure out why we like to hear and tell gossip. Maybe if I knew the reason, I could head it off at the pass like the Lone Ranger and Tonto. Psychologists say we like to “stay in the loop”, in other words, we might feel left out if we don’t know the details about others. But sometimes, I think ignorance is bliss when it comes to what we know about others. The less we know about the details of someone else’s life, the less likely we are to judge them or feel uncomfortable around them, especially if we learned these details through gossip. We all know that if a person is telling us gossip about someone else, they will most likely gossip about us too. Some people are soooo good at it – they’re professionals! I used to have a dear friend that would always try to get confidential information out of me. She would throw out her best fishing lure and slowly reel me in for the catch! I’d be in the frying pan, then her plate and going down her throat before I even realized I’d been caught; Roland Martin could have learned a few tricks from her. I’m telling you, she was good! I could not keep a secret from her.

But I’m older now, I’m supposed to know better. I specifically work on not gossiping and I try not to spend time with people who do. Yet, I was doing it this morning without anyone even casting a fishing rod. Of course, I asked forgiveness from my friend and more importantly, from my Father. I’m just not feeling real great about myself right now, I’m not condemning myself, but I am very disappointed in my lack of self-control. I don’t want to gossip. I have a few friends who never gossip and I want to be like them. I’ll do better in the future because of this reminder. We’re never so mature or spiritual that we can’t be lured into sin. Keep your guard up at all times. Know your own weaknesses and be on the lookout. James 1:26 “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” Do you get the photo now?

Dear Teacher

by Crystal Drake I’ve been there…when the high school student informed me that my ‘barn door was open’ as I watched 28 students’ eyes suddenly shift from my face to my mid section.

I’ve been there…when I couldn’t find my car in the parking lot, because a student I gave my keys to earlier in the day, so they could retrieve something for me, moved it to a different location!

I’ve been there…when a student suddenly jumped up and ripped his shirt off during my class because the student behind him put itching powder down his back.

I’ve been there…when the Rejection Hotline informed me that I had bad breathe and no one would want to date me, because a student told me it was his dad’s work number.

I’ve been there…when a fight broke out in my classroom in front of an elderly guest speaker and in complete horror, I heard one of my students scream the ‘F’ word.

Note to reader: All of the above situations included the SAME student! That’s what happens when you teach kids from 10^th through 12^th grade.

I’ve been there…when a student fell asleep and I didn’t wake him when the bell rang. When he finally woke up and started looking around, he saw unfamiliar classmates; I had the last laugh that day.

I’ve been there…when a kindergarten student cut her bangs off under my substitute supervision the day before school pictures.

I’ve been there…when one of my students pulled a knife out of his pocket and started chasing his friend around my room.

I’ve been there…when a substitute left a completed Referral Form on my desk regarding a misbehaving student. However, I did not have a student named Gil Matthews.

I’ve been there…when a student’s pants came off during a skit to reveal boxer shorts (thank goodness) underneath, while I was videoing with a camera on my shoulder that weighed at least 20 pounds.

I’ve been there…when someone glued my erasers to the board so high I couldn’t reach them because I had written them a Referral for not wearing a belt.

I’ve been there…when a student tied a piece of fishing line across the aisle and then innocently called me back to his group to ask a question. I somehow caught myself from falling on my face. No one in the group would admit to the prank. (I was finally able to solve the mystery when he graduated and inside a thank you card was a piece of fishing line).

I’ve been there…when I had to write my own 12^th grade daughter a Referral Form – yes, I mean Mrs. Oxer.

I’ve been there…when after announcing a pop quiz, a 12^th grade student was so mean that I ran out of my room to a bench outside where I cried my eyes out. The same student finally talked me into coming back inside and agreed to take the quiz if I would just please stop crying.

I’ve been there…when a student passed my Pre-Test with a high B and went to the Guidance Counselor to try, unsuccessfully, to drop my class even though he needed the credit to graduate. When she wouldn’t let him, he began calling me “Drakula” until he graduated. He later used his computer skills to save me when I was stranded in Hawaii with no return home plane ticket. Today he is one of my most trusted & beloved friends.

I’ve been there…when my AP students (first AP class offered at MHHS) planned a mutiny & went to the principal to complain about my class because I was making them read too much. Thank goodness for a principal that had my back!

I’ve been there…when I realized the video clip I was showing was inappropriate & started thinking, “How can I destroy this tape before anyone on the School Board sees it and I lose my job?” (I videoed the evening news over it that night in a fashion that would have made Richard Nixon proud.) P.S. Don’t show video that students bring in without previewing it first, especially if it is a scene from Saturday Night Live, even if the topic IS about the Supreme Court.

I’ve been there…when students took clear plastic wrap to my car to pay me back for pranking them and completely wrapped all of my car doors shut!

I’ve been there…when a student gave me a sympathy card after the death of my brother, that touched me so deeply, I still remember it to this day.

I’ve been there…when we buried a 50 year time capsule on the football field and I plan to be there when we open it in 2050. (I’ll be 91).

I’ve been there…when a student tried to start a fire in my classroom.

I’ve been there…when I tried to break up a fight between two boys and I got shoved up against a desk by one of them & the entire class let out a simultaneous gasp.

I’ve been there…when I tried to play TOUCH football with middle school boys and was tackled to the ground. I woke up to a group of little boys all staring down at me with fear all over their faces, afraid they had accidently killed their teacher.

I’ve been there…when a giant middle school student picked me up and held me out in the uncovered courtyard in the rain while I kicked and screamed, “Let me down!”

I’ve been there…when my students gave a presentation in front of an audience of over 500 spectators at a university, were on the news that night & then testified in Tallahassee at a committee meeting regarding our project.

I’ve been there…when they buried too many of my former students.

I’ve been there…when my 12^th graders told me I looked like J-Lo so I wouldn’t give the pop quiz. They were much smarter than the group who made me cry!

I’ve been there…in New York City on Spring Break with my students taking pictures of them with the ‘Naked Cowboy’.

I’ve been there…in Washington, D.C. for the first presidential inauguration after 9/11 & waited in freezing cold weather, in a security line that wrapped around a city block, to finally get inside the perimeter fence – to an inauguration that was already over.

I’ve been there…in the teacher trainings and faculty meetings that made me want to bang my head against the wall.

I’ve been there…listening to a principal tell me I had to add one more poster to my wall or one more element to my lesson plan, without EVER telling me I could take some other requirement away!

I’ve been there…when the parent doesn’t realize that their child doesn’t always tell the truth.

I’ve been there…when the evaluation doesn’t validate me as a good teacher, because the things I insist on doing for my kids aren’t on the measuring tool.

I’ve been there…when my colleague gossips about me for trying to excel at what I do & they don’t want to do the same, so they criticize.

I’ve been there…when the last day of school being somewhere in sight is the only thing that can get me out of bed in the morning.

I’ve been there…when I was sick & should have stayed home, but I knew I needed to be at school that day for something that a substitute wouldn’t be able to do.

Thank you & please know that I appreciate & highly esteem all that you do, because…I’ve been there.

“If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well.”

Romans 12:7

A Chain of Love

By Crystal Drake

Papa Dub (my husband’s grandpa name) & I will celebrate 40 years of marriage next month! I think everyone is surprised that we made it this far, including us! To say we’ve had a rocky marriage is an enormous understatement. The lyrics from the song a friend sang at our wedding truly described our impending experience. “And even though we ‘aint got money, I’m so in love with you honey & everything will bring a chain of love.” Ironically, Honey is now my grandma name & God provided the money. It has never been easy because we both brought way too much childhood trauma into our relationship. Maybe everyone does? Our marriage has been full of hard work, tense moments, angry words, tears, hurt feelings, jealousy, resentment, loneliness, disappointment, fear, in-laws, out-laws (those were on my side LOL) and just about every negative emotion you can conjure. But praise God there has also been loads of laughter, comfort, ease, excitement, love, friendship, cooperation, success, ball games, rodeos, homecomings & proms, hunting & fishing trips, birthday parties, graduations, weddings, six grandchildren, lots of good food & things I can’t mention because…well, my children might read this! Marriage is a mixture of both priceless & horrendous times & if people tell you otherwise, don’t believe them.

Unfortunately, we still have explosive arguments and sometimes the topic is the same as ten years ago. When we argue, things come to the surface that each of us has tried to ignore & stuff down inside ourselves just to keep the peace. But when anger shows up, it all comes spilling over like Niagara Falls. I thought that by now we would have had all of our ‘issues’ worked out & it grieves me when I realize we don’t. But something tells me that we never will. As long as we are in the flesh & on this side of heaven, we will have issues with those around us – not just our spouses either. Living at peace with everyone you know is not for the fainthearted. It takes humility & Jesus working in us to overcome the temptations that come against us daily to complain, to be over sensitive to the words of others, to get bored hearing the same old stories, to stay devoted when we feel like giving up, to love someone when we’re secretly sticking our tongue out at them when they turn their back! (Yes, I’ve actually done that as an adult because it’s nicer than saying what’s really on my mind & it makes me feel better!) You’re probably way too mature for that.

However, each day is a new chance to make peace with those around us. Times of conflict actually bring me closer to Jesus, because I realize that my husband (or my friends) cannot fill all the needs that I have, even though I believe he really tries. I’m just a hot mess and truthfully, so is he, and possibly…so are you?! It’s strange how things that happened in my childhood will sometimes creep into my thoughts & I will realize what a negative effect they still have on my behavior. It’s taking me a lifetime to work through all the ‘stuff’ that I saw, heard and did as a child. So when the ‘D’ word presents itself to my brain, I think of a marathon runner quitting with the end of the race in sight…no way! There’s been too much blood, sweat & tears to quit now!

So, today is Sunday and I have a date with my Father. I will throw my hands up and sing to him because my throaty, hoarse, off-key voice sounds pleasing to him. I’ll ask Him…again, to strengthen me, my marriage & my other relationships. And the beautiful truth is that He has already done it & is taking the arguments & using them for our good. The Bible says, “But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible” (Ephesians 5:13 ESV). So don’t be afraid to tell your spouse or your friends or your co-workers how you really feel – be transparent & tell the truth, but do it with kindness if possible. Happy Anniversary Dub – I love you more today than I did on May 25, 1979, in that Baptist Church on Ventura Ave., when we were just children searching for ourselves inside a relationship with someone else…

This Was Never in the Plan

By Crystal Drake I know people who have watched their child, a parent, or a spouse or sibling languish in pain during their last days on earth to a disgusting disease or illness. This was never in the plan.

I have friends who lost their own children in tragic accidents. The rest of us can’t even imagine the heartbreak and anguish this type of loss must bring. But, tragedy doesn’t seem to discriminate. This was never in the plan.

What about parents whose children have been kidnapped and they never know what happened to them? What about the parent who absent-mindedly left their child in a hot car or was distracted at the pool? What about the child that became addicted to drugs and the parents who have to witness their self-destruction daily? Or what about children who grow up and then shoot their innocent classmates? None of this was ever in the plan.

I have friends whose marriages fell apart. They just couldn’t make it work. The unkind words couldn’t be forgiven, the rejection or betrayal was just too deep to reconcile. The intimacy was forever broken. Some were abused emotionally and physically and have yet to recover. And even though some remain together, the past is ever present. This was never in the plan.

I have friends whose families are torn apart because of disagreements that couldn’t be resolved. Siblings don’t speak to one another, family members tip-toe around social gatherings avoiding eye contact with one another and trying to appear light-hearted and unaffected. But in reality, the conflict caused deep emotional pain and feelings of mistrust and suspicion linger in the air like fog on an early morning and everyone feels its uncomfortable presence. This was never in the plan.

Scripture says that God has a plan for our future. (Jeremiah 29:11) It says that His plan is for us to prosper and be blessed. So what gets in the way of His plan? Why don’t we live picture perfect lives? Well, I won’t pretend that I know the answer and I pray that my ponderings won’t offend anyone. Please know that I have read the book of Job, and I know that my “little” mind will probably never be able to comprehend the full truth of why bad things happen. Yet, I think it’s instinctive to try to make sense of things.

So, perhaps our free will got in the way or maybe it was circumstances we didn’t have control over that caused bad things to happen. Perhaps it was destructive behaviors, pride, power, ego, control issues, bad genes, bad choices, bad drivers, bad accidents, bad timing, wrong place – wrong time, bad doctors, bad parents, bad teachers, bad, bad, bad! We all have to agree that “bad” aka “evil” is present and is a powerful foe.

Therefore, we have to fight our way out from under the plans that went wrong and find a new plan in which to trust. Some of my friends, who lost children, are now devoting their lives to helping other parents in the same situation. Some divorced people become marriage counselors in hopes that they might save someone else’s marriage. Recovered drug addicts make perfect counselors because they can truly “relate”. Indeed, things don’t always turn out as planned…but life goes on. Don’t quit on God because you don’t understand why, He may be hurting over it just as much as you are. Remember that “Jesus wept”. I refuse to believe that unconquered evil was ever part of His plan.

2nd Place is Like Kissing Your Sibling

By Crystal Drake I heard that interesting phrase, the one above, that made its way into my title, years ago. I heard it again seven years ago when I ran for the Florida state legislature from one of my supporters. So, when I came in at ‘second place’ I felt like a complete failure. I had let so many people down who had graciously given me their time and even financial support. I was totally embarrassed to have pulled them into my obviously ridiculous dream, and then lost. I believed I had wasted an entire year of my life and theirs. But I was wrong and so is that phrase!

The phrase literally means that kissing your sister or brother isn’t exciting or exceptional, or maybe even gross! Yet, I know many people who would give anything to kiss their sibling one more time. Your siblings know all about you and still give unconditional love and support. However, the figurative message is that if you try and you don’t win, your effort was meaningless and useless. I strongly disagree.

My daughter wanted to enter a beauty contest one time, and I discouraged her. I knew she was pretty and actually has a very distinctive look that is uniquely beautiful. I knew she had a very good chance of winning, but I feared that if she didn’t, her self-esteem might be shattered for life. I gave her a speech that went something like this: “Now, if you are going to be devastated if you don’t win, then I don’t want you to enter.” She didn’t enter. In retrospect, this was terrible parenting, but at the time, I was trying to shield her from pain and possible embarrassment that I myself had experienced before. But I wish I could go back and change that speech to, “You’re going to have so much fun learning to be comfortable on stage, hanging out with your friends at practice, and meeting new people. It’s going to be a positive learning experience that will enhance your world – win or lose. Go for it!” These aren’t just platitudes, but truth.

My own mom did a similar thing to me. I ran my first 5K when I was a little over 50! I came in second in my age group. My mama probably had no idea what an accomplishment that was for me to run that far (well, if scuffling your feet as slow as possible without moving into a walk counts). That was the longest, yet most invigorating three miles of my life! The same girl that could never win the Presidential Physical Fitness Award in elementary school because of the mile run requirement, had just finished RUNNING THREE MILES…AT OVER 50 YEARS OLD! She jokingly told me that my younger brother had told his son that making Bs wasn’t acceptable, that only As and first place meant anything. I was deflated by her unenthusiastic response. She had no idea how her innocent words had affected me, just like I didn’t with my own daughter. However, it’s our own mistakes, indeed, that teach us how to give grace freely and in this case, quickly. I still cherished my medal despite her reaction.

If we have truly given God the reins of our lives, then we have to trust Him even in our failures. Romans 8:28 reminds us, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” So, don’t worry about possibly coming in second, just get in the arena and do your best. God will use either victory or defeat to make us better, because He loves us. Now, go kiss your brother or sister!

Run Your Own Race

By Crystal Drake

Picture this…an almost 60 year old, out of shape granny trying to compete against a very physically fit 12 year old granddaughter in an obstacle course race! Yep, you guessed it – hysterical and embarrassing. This past weekend, I found myself at a park with my daughter-in-love and two granddaughters. My son’s very creative and athletic wife, decided to create an obstacle course that included climbing ladders, ascending rock walls, slides, running through deep sand, etc.. As I sat on the bench and watched the three of them having a blast by timing each other and then competing against their own times, I decided I should get involved. (Oh no…what was I thinking?!) My first mishap was getting stuck trying to get my adult body through the narrow opening designed for a child on the first twisting slide. Next, I fell face first onto the pavement while trying to run through what seemed like two feet of soft sand and skinned my knee and the palm of my hand. On my second try, I flew so fast down the second slide I forgot to catch myself with my feet and landed on my bottom – hard!!! I was laughing at myself uncontrollably, so they had to stop the timer long enough for me to contain my embarrassed laughter so that I could continue the race. Then, I got stuck on the rock wall and couldn’t get over. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so uncoordinated in my life! My time was more than twice that of my daughter and granddaughter. I was the epitome of BAD!

However, there is a silver lining because I did learn something that day. At one point in our adventure, my daughter-in-law decided to run alongside of our four year old to cheer her on and ‘let her win’. As they were maneuvering through the obstacles, my granddaughter kept commenting on how her mom was doing it wrong, or needed to slow down and once, when her mom was ‘behind’, she actually did a “na, na, boo, boo” facial gesture that included the use of her tongue! She was obviously very proud of herself and was oblivious to the fact that her gracious mama was allowing her to get ahead. As I listened to her mom reprimand her at the end of the race about not worrying what the other competitor was doing, but to focus on her own race, I was hit with a profound realization. That’s exactly what we do as adults. We worry entirely too much about the people around us and how they are running their race, and then, we compare it to our own. What a mistake. I learned along time ago from one of my favorite poems, the Desiderata, that comparison is a lose-lose scenario. If we think we’re doing better than the other person, we become haughty or vain. If we think we’re doing worse, then we become angry, disappointed or ashamed of our own progress. So either way, there isn’t a positive outcome.

Proverbs 14:30 says, “A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.” Sometimes thoughts like these run around in my mind: “Why is God blessing them so much? Why isn’t God blessing me like He’s blessing them? They don’t even serve God and look how successful they are!” Am I the only one who has these terrible thoughts? I doubt it, because I think our flesh is always looking at things from a selfish point of view. But then I take control over my thoughts and begin to think differently, I look at the blessings I DO have and I realize that God has blessed me exponentially more than I deserve. We shouldn’t begrudge other people’s successes. We don’t always know how hard they’ve worked or what they’ve had to sacrifice to appear so blessed. We need to concentrate on our own race! It doesn’t matter if a four year old can beat your time on the obstacle course or if you get stuck on the rock wall – just keep going until the end and be proud of yourself for getting off the bench. Thank you Erin for the reminder.