By Crystal Drake

Have you ever felt left out of something?  Maybe it was a party, a special event or just a friend get together.  For some reason, they didn’t invite you.  You feel a little sting and you begin to wonder if perhaps you did something offensive to cause this injustice.  Your mind begins to search back and the little rainbow wheel in your head is turning just like the one on your computer.  It hurts to be left out.  We all try to pretend that it doesn’t matter and that we’re fine.  But deep down, there’s a nagging sting that keeps presenting itself to our mind for several days afterwards.  Why does it matter so much?  Why can’t we just let it roll off the proverbial duck’s back?  I think the answer might be that we take it personally.  We tend to believe that it was intentional and that we just aren’t valued or liked or good enough to be invited.  When in fact, many times, it truly wasn’t even personal.  It was simply an oversight, or an intentional decision made for a reason that has nothing to do with us personally.  Regardless of the reason, learning how to shake these things off quickly is key to maintaining our joy and our confidence.  It also keeps us from forming grudges against people, which is not what we are called to do as Christians.

I know someone who is able to do this pretty well.  She was recently slighted in something that could have easily ended a friendship.  But, she decided not to let it affect her.  She came up with a list of reasons why she was better off for not being included.  For example, maybe you don’t have to worry about attending the event that is miles away, you don’t have to get a babysitter, you don’t have to buy a gift or a new dress, or you don’t have to be anxious about doing something you didn’t want to do in the first place…all because you weren’t invited.  If you choose to change your perspective when you feel left out, it can seriously help you ignore the sting.  We should realize that we too, have probably left someone out before.  We may not have even realized it, but perhaps we hurt someone else.  If we want forgiveness then we have to give it also. 

I once received an invitation to the Florida Sunshine Ball hosted by Governor Rick Scott and his wife that was being held in Washington, D.C..  I wasn’t sure why I received it, but it made me feel very special and important and I saved the invitation.  One day I was looking at it again and I felt compelled to re-write the invitation.  This is what I wrote:

The Governor of the World and His Son

Request the honor of your presence at the

Eternal Heavenly Ball

Date & time established but not revealed

Glory Auditorium

Air transportation will be provided

Your RSVP has already been received & you are on the guest list

Invitations are non-transferable

Black tie not required

New clothing will be provided upon arrival

Event is sponsored by ‘I Am’ a/k/a your Father

We all receive this invitation, but many of our friends and family have not sent their RSVP back yet.  If you’ve already secured yours, then get up and go talk to someone that you want to see there and help them get theirs sent in asap.   This is the only function we should be concerned about attending, the rest are merely social events.  “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things on earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.”  If you don’t get invited to the event, create your own party and refuse to get caught in the trap of offense.  You’re smarter than that and there are more invitations to extend!

By Crystal Drake – Great leadership isn’t simply having the courage to speak up in public meetings.  I’ve seen and heard a lot of people do that in the past and they have not inspired me to follow them.  It also is not a condescending attitude towards others who share a different perspective in an attempt to quiet them.  I’ve also witnessed that behavior and I have seen it shut down others in the room that may actually have had a great idea or solution but were intimidated into being silent. Truly effective leadership is being able to articulate your thoughts and ideas in ways that those listening will consider your input as valid and be willing to consider incorporating your ideas into their own reasoning process.  It also means that you are willing and capable of doing the same information assimilation with new information or perspective from those around you.  This is what transforms someone from being a ‘figure-head’ into being an agent for positive change and movement towards a shared goal.  That is the essence of great leadership.  It hinges on your reputation and the level of trust your listeners have for you.  Your audience must trust you to be honest and transparent.  They must know that you are not speaking out of self-interest alone, but they must believe that your intentions are for the good of the organization (or the family in a smaller context).  If you personally benefit, that’s okay, as long as the organization/family benefits also and that the advantages you will gain are being made transparent.  That is the foundation of civic virtue.

For example, my son wanted to play T-ball.  I went to the Youth Athletics Organization meeting.  It was determined at the meeting that T-ball would not be offered that year due to a lack of coaches.  They would only be supporting Little League and Girls’ Softball.  I was so disappointed that I wanted to throw my sucker in the dirt.  But instead, I volunteered to coach a T-Ball team and promised that I would find other coaches if they would agree to offer T-Ball.  I left that meeting agreeing to do something that I had never even witnessed before, but I was becoming a problem solver!  Was I motivated by self-interest?  Sure, I wanted my kid to get to play ball.  Fortunately, my self-interest was beneficial to my community as well because a lot of other kids got to play that year that wouldn’t have had the opportunity.  That’s called a win-win.  This is an example of civic virtue at work.

I’ve learned in my short time as an elected official serving on a board, that being a leader is more than simply being vocal.  In fact, being vocal is often irritating to those less inclined to engage in discussion.  It takes building credibility with your peers, listening, respecting others, asking questions, having tough conversations and following through.  But, most importantly, it takes a commitment to do and say what you believe is right regardless of what others might think or say.  It takes being willing to possibly lose the approval of those around you.  As an elected official, it also takes an internal moral obligation against doing something out of a desire to be re-elected, instead of doing what you know is right and appropriate.  In short, it takes guts!

When I think of leadership in the Bible, I immediately think of Moses and the task that God gave him to lead his people to the ‘Promised Land’.  Moses was unsure of his leadership skills; he had to learn to trust God.  God used unusual and strange events to assist Moses on his journey that sometimes looked ridiculous to his followers.  Yet, they learned to trust him.  The sad part of Moses’ story is that he did not get to enter the ‘Promised Land’ with his people.  His mistake came when he stopped trusting God.  “For you shall see the land before you, but you shall not go there.” (Deuteronomy 32:52)  God instructed Moses to SPEAK to the rock, but instead he struck the rock with his staff, as had been done in the past.  God wanted Moses to do something new and different.  It was a minor difference with a huge consequence.  So perhaps, the real secret to being a successful leader who gets to see the outcome of his or her work, is to listen to God and do EXACTLY as He instructs, even if it has never been done before. Go coach a t-ball team!