Courage

Crystal Drake

Courage is the opposite of fear. When I imagine what fear looks like, I think of my youngest granddaughter. She struggles sometimes with trying new experiences. For example, going down new water slides sometimes challenges her courage. When introduced to a new one, she usually hesitates trying it out. She needs encouragement from those she trusts. But even more convincing, she needs to see someone she knows do it first! That is usually all it takes to get her to take the plunge and then that first triumphant splash into the water is followed with many more; all the while she’s smiling and grinning at her own newfound courage. It’s equally gratifying as the grandparent to witness this visual transformation take place – from fear to courage.

As adults, our fears are less obvious and harder to pinpoint in our daily lives. I recently read this quote, “Courage pushes you to resist the impulse to shy away from the things that stir up your innermost anxieties.” This statement really struck me because I recognized myself in those words. I like peace and I am not always comfortable in confrontational situations. So when a conversation or situation begins to “stir up my innermost anxieties” I tend to back away. Now when I was younger and feisty, I loved a good argument. But as I’ve grown in wisdom, I’ve learned that throwing your best verbal punch at your opponent’s most vulnerable spot can cause lethal damage to relationships. So I’ve learned to be more careful with my words, to choose my battles, and to apologize first even when I’m certain the other person owes me one. These subtle social graces have allowed me to navigate some situations that otherwise, could have become full blown, all out wars.

However, as a leader in my community, I’ve found myself in multiple conversations that created that “innermost anxiety”. My first impulse is to “shy away” just to keep peace. On the other hand though, I firmly believe that anxiety of any kind in any area of our lives is a tool of our enemy. We need peace in every area and at all times. We need peace with every family member, every co-worker, every friend and yes, even every foe. The Bible teaches us that we “wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places”. Therefore, we have to realize that when we have conflict with others, it is an opportunity to tear down walls that the enemy has built. Without any resistance, walls continue to divide us. But with constructive dialogue (preceded by prayer), disagreements can be settled. People can forgive each other and begin to see new perspectives that we never considered.

I don’t consider myself a fearful person because I’ve challenged myself many times to take bold steps and try seemingly impossible tasks. Sometimes I’ve failed, but I’ve also had successes. But reading this quote has made me want to get more of my anxieties out in the open. When the light of Jesus is shed on anxieties – they disappear. And when our anxieties are gone, we can boldly walk over to those water slide steps and confidently push ourselves off from the safety of our comfort zones. At that moment, we will find ourselves cruising along at incredibly exhilarating speeds enjoying the cool water and then splashing down into the success and the life that God planned for us all along with that smile of courage on our faces.

Palm Sunday 2020

As I sit in my quiet home, I miss the laughter and the voices of my grandchildren, even their sarcasm about how short I am or how much my grey hair is making me look like a real “granny”. I miss spending time with my friends, seeing my students & my co-workers. I begin to wonder if this is how Jesus feels when I decide to ‘social distance’ myself from Him at times.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I shy away from Him because some of the things he tells me to do rip away at my flesh or at least make my skin crawl like fingernails on a chalk board. So, to avoid having to do any of those hard chores, I just sort of ‘check out’ for awhile. Oh, I still pray, go to church, pay my tithe and fulfill my obligations as a good Christian, but my heart isn’t really in it. It’s like the time I sent a bowl of butter in my husband’s lunch box instead of the leftover venison back strap he was bragging to his buddies about having for lunch! (BTW – he said I wasn’t putting my heart into his lunches and after I made this mistake TWICE, he decided to make his own lunches and did so until he retired.) I’m so sorry Papa Dub. But back to the issue, I sometimes do the same thing with my heavenly Father. I’m doing what I’m supposed to do, but I’m not climbing up into his lap and really getting close to Him, because I think I’m subconsciously afraid He’s going to tell me to go clean my room or even worse – maybe apologize to someone!

I’ve determined to use this newfound quiet time, that is always there when we step off the hampster wheel for awhile or receive a Stay-At-Home order from your Governor. I’m beginning to cultivate a new deeper intimacy with my spouse and my God. It’s amazing how much easier it is to hear His voice when we slow down.

How will I do it? I will talk to him and then…listen. I recently read a book and took a course called Crucial Conversations, which I highly recommend to anyone who wants to improve your communication skills. One of the common sense strategies, which we all know, was to listen – really listen to the other person. I have the bad habit of half listening to you while I’m planning what I will say next and if you don’t hurry up, I will probably just interrupt you because I know I’ll forget what I wanted to say if I don’t. This isn’t listening! God speaks to us in many ways: through our thoughts, our memories, our emotions, our will, our spouses, our friends, our enemies, His word, other random people, something in nature that suddenly catches our attention, the breeze, an animal, and the list goes on and on because I believe He speaks to each of us in our own special way. He created us, so He knows how to get our attention.

To conclude, He’s always speaking. We just have to learn to hear Him and then to do what He asks us to do, with our heart in it! If we really love Him, we won’t put the butter bowl in the lunch box…again!

Bridle Your Tongue

By Crystal Drake

Have you ever sinned at 5:00 a.m.? Well, I have and it was today; the enemy gets up early! I was working out with my exercise partner in her garage and all of a sudden I heard malicious gossip spewing out of my mouth like water from a fire hydrant. In my defense, I WAS still half asleep. But nonetheless, there was something in my flesh that felt good as I told my friend something negative about, get this, ANOTHER friend. Yes, the person I was talking about is someone that I actually respect and admire …a lot. So why was I so quick to tell another person something negative that I knew about another friend? What’s wrong with me? I knew as soon as I started talking that it wasn’t right, that it was against the Word of God, okay – I’ll say it – it was blatant sin. Yet, I kept right on talking and feeling somewhat smug in my attempt to make my friend think less of this person. The truth is, I’ve done far worse things myself, and those I wouldn’t be caught dead talking about!

So what in the world is a Christian woman doing repeating gossip? And get this, it was old gossip – something that happened over 30 years ago! When we say negative things about other people, I believe it reveals a lack of confidence in us. If we are truly confident in whom we are and we have the realization that the only good in us comes from Jesus, we would have no desire to point out others’ weaknesses. When I looked up scriptures on gossip, I found several. But this one in Proverbs 10:18, hit me between the eyes like a baseball, “Whoever conceals hatred with lying lips and spreads slander is a fool.” So just when I think I’m making spiritual progress on becoming more like Jesus, I realize I’m actually just a fool! These reminders of how easily we can slip into sin keep us grounded and dependent on Christ daily. I can’t do this Christian ‘lifestyle’ on my own.

I wish I could figure out why we like to hear and tell gossip. Maybe if I knew the reason, I could head it off at the pass like the Lone Ranger and Tonto. Psychologists say we like to “stay in the loop”, in other words, we might feel left out if we don’t know the details about others. But sometimes, I think ignorance is bliss when it comes to what we know about others. The less we know about the details of someone else’s life, the less likely we are to judge them or feel uncomfortable around them, especially if we learned these details through gossip. We all know that if a person is telling us gossip about someone else, they will most likely gossip about us too. Some people are soooo good at it – they’re professionals! I used to have a dear friend that would always try to get confidential information out of me. She would throw out her best fishing lure and slowly reel me in for the catch! I’d be in the frying pan, then her plate and going down her throat before I even realized I’d been caught; Roland Martin could have learned a few tricks from her. I’m telling you, she was good! I could not keep a secret from her.

But I’m older now, I’m supposed to know better. I specifically work on not gossiping and I try not to spend time with people who do. Yet, I was doing it this morning without anyone even casting a fishing rod. Of course, I asked forgiveness from my friend and more importantly, from my Father. I’m just not feeling real great about myself right now, I’m not condemning myself, but I am very disappointed in my lack of self-control. I don’t want to gossip. I have a few friends who never gossip and I want to be like them. I’ll do better in the future because of this reminder. We’re never so mature or spiritual that we can’t be lured into sin. Keep your guard up at all times. Know your own weaknesses and be on the lookout. James 1:26 “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” Do you get the photo now?

This Was Never in the Plan

By Crystal Drake I know people who have watched their child, a parent, or a spouse or sibling languish in pain during their last days on earth to a disgusting disease or illness. This was never in the plan.

I have friends who lost their own children in tragic accidents. The rest of us can’t even imagine the heartbreak and anguish this type of loss must bring. But, tragedy doesn’t seem to discriminate. This was never in the plan.

What about parents whose children have been kidnapped and they never know what happened to them? What about the parent who absent-mindedly left their child in a hot car or was distracted at the pool? What about the child that became addicted to drugs and the parents who have to witness their self-destruction daily? Or what about children who grow up and then shoot their innocent classmates? None of this was ever in the plan.

I have friends whose marriages fell apart. They just couldn’t make it work. The unkind words couldn’t be forgiven, the rejection or betrayal was just too deep to reconcile. The intimacy was forever broken. Some were abused emotionally and physically and have yet to recover. And even though some remain together, the past is ever present. This was never in the plan.

I have friends whose families are torn apart because of disagreements that couldn’t be resolved. Siblings don’t speak to one another, family members tip-toe around social gatherings avoiding eye contact with one another and trying to appear light-hearted and unaffected. But in reality, the conflict caused deep emotional pain and feelings of mistrust and suspicion linger in the air like fog on an early morning and everyone feels its uncomfortable presence. This was never in the plan.

Scripture says that God has a plan for our future. (Jeremiah 29:11) It says that His plan is for us to prosper and be blessed. So what gets in the way of His plan? Why don’t we live picture perfect lives? Well, I won’t pretend that I know the answer and I pray that my ponderings won’t offend anyone. Please know that I have read the book of Job, and I know that my “little” mind will probably never be able to comprehend the full truth of why bad things happen. Yet, I think it’s instinctive to try to make sense of things.

So, perhaps our free will got in the way or maybe it was circumstances we didn’t have control over that caused bad things to happen. Perhaps it was destructive behaviors, pride, power, ego, control issues, bad genes, bad choices, bad drivers, bad accidents, bad timing, wrong place – wrong time, bad doctors, bad parents, bad teachers, bad, bad, bad! We all have to agree that “bad” aka “evil” is present and is a powerful foe.

Therefore, we have to fight our way out from under the plans that went wrong and find a new plan in which to trust. Some of my friends, who lost children, are now devoting their lives to helping other parents in the same situation. Some divorced people become marriage counselors in hopes that they might save someone else’s marriage. Recovered drug addicts make perfect counselors because they can truly “relate”. Indeed, things don’t always turn out as planned…but life goes on. Don’t quit on God because you don’t understand why, He may be hurting over it just as much as you are. Remember that “Jesus wept”. I refuse to believe that unconquered evil was ever part of His plan.

2nd Place is Like Kissing Your Sibling

By Crystal Drake I heard that interesting phrase, the one above, that made its way into my title, years ago. I heard it again seven years ago when I ran for the Florida state legislature from one of my supporters. So, when I came in at ‘second place’ I felt like a complete failure. I had let so many people down who had graciously given me their time and even financial support. I was totally embarrassed to have pulled them into my obviously ridiculous dream, and then lost. I believed I had wasted an entire year of my life and theirs. But I was wrong and so is that phrase!

The phrase literally means that kissing your sister or brother isn’t exciting or exceptional, or maybe even gross! Yet, I know many people who would give anything to kiss their sibling one more time. Your siblings know all about you and still give unconditional love and support. However, the figurative message is that if you try and you don’t win, your effort was meaningless and useless. I strongly disagree.

My daughter wanted to enter a beauty contest one time, and I discouraged her. I knew she was pretty and actually has a very distinctive look that is uniquely beautiful. I knew she had a very good chance of winning, but I feared that if she didn’t, her self-esteem might be shattered for life. I gave her a speech that went something like this: “Now, if you are going to be devastated if you don’t win, then I don’t want you to enter.” She didn’t enter. In retrospect, this was terrible parenting, but at the time, I was trying to shield her from pain and possible embarrassment that I myself had experienced before. But I wish I could go back and change that speech to, “You’re going to have so much fun learning to be comfortable on stage, hanging out with your friends at practice, and meeting new people. It’s going to be a positive learning experience that will enhance your world – win or lose. Go for it!” These aren’t just platitudes, but truth.

My own mom did a similar thing to me. I ran my first 5K when I was a little over 50! I came in second in my age group. My mama probably had no idea what an accomplishment that was for me to run that far (well, if scuffling your feet as slow as possible without moving into a walk counts). That was the longest, yet most invigorating three miles of my life! The same girl that could never win the Presidential Physical Fitness Award in elementary school because of the mile run requirement, had just finished RUNNING THREE MILES…AT OVER 50 YEARS OLD! She jokingly told me that my younger brother had told his son that making Bs wasn’t acceptable, that only As and first place meant anything. I was deflated by her unenthusiastic response. She had no idea how her innocent words had affected me, just like I didn’t with my own daughter. However, it’s our own mistakes, indeed, that teach us how to give grace freely and in this case, quickly. I still cherished my medal despite her reaction.

If we have truly given God the reins of our lives, then we have to trust Him even in our failures. Romans 8:28 reminds us, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” So, don’t worry about possibly coming in second, just get in the arena and do your best. God will use either victory or defeat to make us better, because He loves us. Now, go kiss your brother or sister!

Run Your Own Race

By Crystal Drake

Picture this…an almost 60 year old, out of shape granny trying to compete against a very physically fit 12 year old granddaughter in an obstacle course race! Yep, you guessed it – hysterical and embarrassing. This past weekend, I found myself at a park with my daughter-in-love and two granddaughters. My son’s very creative and athletic wife, decided to create an obstacle course that included climbing ladders, ascending rock walls, slides, running through deep sand, etc.. As I sat on the bench and watched the three of them having a blast by timing each other and then competing against their own times, I decided I should get involved. (Oh no…what was I thinking?!) My first mishap was getting stuck trying to get my adult body through the narrow opening designed for a child on the first twisting slide. Next, I fell face first onto the pavement while trying to run through what seemed like two feet of soft sand and skinned my knee and the palm of my hand. On my second try, I flew so fast down the second slide I forgot to catch myself with my feet and landed on my bottom – hard!!! I was laughing at myself uncontrollably, so they had to stop the timer long enough for me to contain my embarrassed laughter so that I could continue the race. Then, I got stuck on the rock wall and couldn’t get over. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so uncoordinated in my life! My time was more than twice that of my daughter and granddaughter. I was the epitome of BAD!

However, there is a silver lining because I did learn something that day. At one point in our adventure, my daughter-in-law decided to run alongside of our four year old to cheer her on and ‘let her win’. As they were maneuvering through the obstacles, my granddaughter kept commenting on how her mom was doing it wrong, or needed to slow down and once, when her mom was ‘behind’, she actually did a “na, na, boo, boo” facial gesture that included the use of her tongue! She was obviously very proud of herself and was oblivious to the fact that her gracious mama was allowing her to get ahead. As I listened to her mom reprimand her at the end of the race about not worrying what the other competitor was doing, but to focus on her own race, I was hit with a profound realization. That’s exactly what we do as adults. We worry entirely too much about the people around us and how they are running their race, and then, we compare it to our own. What a mistake. I learned along time ago from one of my favorite poems, the Desiderata, that comparison is a lose-lose scenario. If we think we’re doing better than the other person, we become haughty or vain. If we think we’re doing worse, then we become angry, disappointed or ashamed of our own progress. So either way, there isn’t a positive outcome.

Proverbs 14:30 says, “A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.” Sometimes thoughts like these run around in my mind: “Why is God blessing them so much? Why isn’t God blessing me like He’s blessing them? They don’t even serve God and look how successful they are!” Am I the only one who has these terrible thoughts? I doubt it, because I think our flesh is always looking at things from a selfish point of view. But then I take control over my thoughts and begin to think differently, I look at the blessings I DO have and I realize that God has blessed me exponentially more than I deserve. We shouldn’t begrudge other people’s successes. We don’t always know how hard they’ve worked or what they’ve had to sacrifice to appear so blessed. We need to concentrate on our own race! It doesn’t matter if a four year old can beat your time on the obstacle course or if you get stuck on the rock wall – just keep going until the end and be proud of yourself for getting off the bench. Thank you Erin for the reminder.

In God We Trust

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By Crystal Drake

In 2018, the Florida legislature passed a law that requires all public schools to display our national motto. I recently visited a high school that has complied and posted the picture on my social media. So far, I have received 225 positive responses and 14 shares. This blog is a response to the popularity of that post. (225 means viral in my little world!)

This motto may not be posted on our schools (yet), but trusting God has always been in the forefront of American schools. Even when schools were directed to stop having institutionalized morning prayers – parents, students, maintenance staff, custodial staff, teachers’ aides, substitutes, lunchroom workers, counselors, secretaries, teachers, and administrators were all still praying on public school campuses. Kids were praying in the lunchroom before eating, students were reading their Bibles during mandatory silent reading times, students were studying the Bible during school sponsored Fellowship of Christian Athletes meetings or during World History classes, taking school buses to FCA events where prayer is freely demonstrated on public school campuses through football camps to abstinence education. Students have been taking public school buses to secular movie theaters to watch Christian movies. Teachers have walked the rows in their classrooms and prayed over the environment and stopped at certain desks where their most challenging students sat and offered up specific prayers for that child. I even know teachers who have lead students to Christ during lunch. I know teachers who give up their free lunch period, weeknights and weekends to hold FCA meetings and answer questions that students are afraid to ask their parents. And I’m talking about public schools!

Please, don’t dismay because you haven’t seen these words in your kids’ school yet – those of us in education, have ALWAYS had trust in God, otherwise, it would be almost impossible to even make it through one week. We have known that ‘with God all things are possible’ (Matthew 19:26). That’s why we are still in there fighting for children, even the ones that make us want to pull our hair out! I can’t wait for my own district to officially post those words on the walls of our schools, but it’s really a declaration to those on the outside, because those of us in the trenches have always known its truth.

I want to give you some ideas of how you can help. 1 – If you are against abortion, find some young preteen girls and boys to minister to through an abstinence program. Support it financially or give a presentation about your life and the mistakes you made. Don’t just say abortion is horrific – do something tangible to keep young girls from getting pregnant in the first place. Your local FCA chapter supports these programs. 2 – If you think school violence is on the rise (and if you don’t, you haven’t been watching the news), volunteer to work on improving the mental health services in your area. I recently learned that the shooter in Parkland, FL had been referred to mental health services at the age of three! There are many hurting children walking the halls of our schools every day that need help and encouragement. Try mentoring one. 3 – Work on federal and state legislation that reprimands schools for disciplining students with disabilities, which makes schools reluctant to punish inappropriate behavior or remove students who may be a danger to themselves or others. 4 – Work on legislation that makes identifying a student as a bully, result in a mountain of paperwork for administrators, which results in overworked, stressed out people, being reluctant to identify them. 5 – Pray for everyone in education from D.C. down to the local schools to realize how vitally important their role is in improving our education system. You’d better believe ‘In God We Trust!”

Washing Machines Should Be Inside the House!

“Help! Help! Let me out!” I screamed, as the sweat began to pour down my face. Anger was slowly rising in me like a pot of boiling water. We lived in a ‘tiny house’ before ‘tiny houses’ were cool! So, my husband built a nice little shed in the back yard as a laundry room/tool shed, and I spent lots of time walking back and forth doing laundry.

One hot summer day, I was moving clothes from the washer to the dryer and putting in a new load of clothes. My husband came in the shed, got something and left. He, my daughter and new grandbaby were in the house. When I finished and started back to the house, I pushed on the door and it wouldn’t open. I pushed again – nothing. As I looked through the crack I could see that my husband had bolted the door shut on the outside. He absent-mindedly forgot that I was inside…or so he said! I began banging on the door and screaming, but no one came to my rescue. After several minutes of screaming and knocking, I realized they couldn’t hear me, so I sat down and waited. I thought that after a few minutes they would miss me and come to check. Didn’t happen! So finally, after what seemed like hours in the hot shed, I began to panic, thinking I’d be stuck there the rest of my life! I looked around for a tool. I found a circular saw and figured out how to turn it on. I tried to cut a hole through the door near the bolt so I could reach my hand through and free myself. But, the saw kept jerking like a jackhammer and knocking me backward every time I tried to put the blade against the plywood door. I was finally able to cut a line about 4 inches long, but realized that my plan of creating the hole in the door was hopeless. I sat down again and I was really getting mad by this point. Inside, my daughter said to my husband, “Mom must be building something or hanging a shelf out in the shed, I hear the saw!” Finally, I heard a dog barking, someone was walking down the road in front of the house and our dogs were going crazy. My husband stepped outside to yell at the dogs and I seized the moment to bang on the door and yell again. A few seconds later, he sheepishly unlatched the door and…needless to say, I went crazy on him!!! Yep, I was angry.

James 1:19-20 says this: “Understand this, my beloved brethren, Let every man be quick to hear (a ready listener), slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry, For man’s anger does not promote the righteousness God (wishes and requires).” As professing Christians, unrestrained anger is a bad reflection on God. It makes us appear weak and lacking self-control. The scriptures about anger must be embedded in our minds and ready to be applied at a moment’s notice…like when you’re locked in your shed and it’s 110 degrees! Scripture isn’t just a bunch of wise words written a long time ago. It actually contains supernatural power when it is APPLIED in our lives. Knowing the words isn’t enough, memorizing isn’t enough, it’s actually applying the words to our everyday situations that makes them powerful. The crystal clear choice was to control my anger and laugh about my husband’s patterned behavior to lock the door when he left the shed and to choose to believe it was an “accident”.

Granted, there are times when anger is justified, as Jesus himself displayed anger when the temple was being used as a marketplace and when people were just being hard headed. There are also times when we are being mentally or physically abused, when anger is justified. It’s okay to defend yourself or others against abuse, but not in anger. If your response to mistreatment is given in anger, you take the spotlight off of the original wrong and the attention shifts to your wrong response. When anger is your ‘go to’, people withdraw from you. The proverbial ‘walking on eggshells’ becomes a reality in your home. Make a decision today that the next time circumstances activate anger in you, you are waiting for its arrival with these words in hand, “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end” Proverbs 29:11. Don’t be a fool, but put a stackable washer/dryer combo in a closet inside your house just in case!

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Don’t Let Your Children Run Away!

Photo by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi on Pexels.com

“I’m going to run away,” I cried!

“Go ahead, I’ll help you pack your bags,” she responded.

Those words still echo in my soul sometimes. As an adult, I understand now that they were meant as sarcasm…I think! But as a child, they hit me like a bullet going straight through a little girl’s heart. I was a child who lived with my grandparents most of my life beginning at one month old, but off and on, when I was in 4^th – 7^th grade, I did part of that time with my mom.

There was always a sense of not being wanted that loomed around me like a dark cloud. If I misbehaved at one home, I was told, “Well, you can just go back and live with your grandparents if you don’t like my rules.” Or “We’ll send you back to your mother if you don’t behave.” So I learned how to be a ‘good girl’ so that I would be allowed to stay.

“The tongue has the power of life and death…”(Proverbs 18:21). If we don’t believe that words have power, we are going to hurt others and be hurt numerous times in our lives; so many people sling powerful words around like a loaded shotgun shooting holes in the walls without even realizing all the damage they are causing. I’m certain I’ve been guilty of this myself. When hurtful words come at us like fiery darts, we’d better put up our shields. If not, we’ll be walking around injured for decades, without even realizing that there were some painful words that we internalized that created that still touchy scar.

Be careful how you talk to others, especially children. Let them know that they are important and that even if you are aggravated with their behavior – you love and care for them as a human being and that they are not only wanted, but cherished. There are many words I spoke to my children that I wish I could rescind, thank goodness for God’s grace that has covered so many of my mistakes.

However, we can learn to apply the scripture that says, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good…” (Genesis 50:20). So, years later when my own children shouted, “I’m going to run away!” I gently replied, “Please don’t do that, I don’t want you to leave.” That was one battle the enemy lost when he tried to engage me again. I didn’t repeat the generational “pack your bags” line. No…I drew a line in the sand and ended that curse and so can you. Take what the enemy has hurt you with and turn it around and use it against him in Jesus’ name! In education, we call that using a non-example!

Mother-In-Laws!

I figured that title would pull in some new readers. It’s a slippery slope to talk about the “in laws” isn’t it? I think all of us want the approval of our mothers-in-law. You know, it IS their ‘baby girl’ princess or ‘perfect in every way’ baby boy that you’ve stolen!

Before I even begin, let me give a disclaimer, I love my mother-in-law. If it weren’t for her, I would have never made almost 40 years of marriage. She talked me off the ledge and out of divorce court multiple times in the early days of my wedded bliss and for that, I am forever thankful. However, she doesn’t own a computer, so I know that she’ll never read this, unless one of you throw me under the bus. And then there’s the fact that I AM a mother-in-law myself and I’m certain there have been times that I’ve said the wrong words. So Erin (she reads my blogs) and Tuyl, please forgive me for my past and future mistakes. I love you both and couldn’t be prouder of who my children chose to marry. You are both amazing parents and spouses to my ‘perfect in every way’ boy and my ‘baby girl’ princess!

Now that that’s out of the way, I feel compelled to share my latest revelation that occurred because of a can of turnip greens! God sometimes shows up with lessons in the strangest places. For over 40 years, I have tried to gain the approval of my mother-in-law and yesterday it finally hit me like a brick…I don’t need it! And truthfully, she probably doesn’t even realize that I’ve been desperately longing to hear her say that she is proud of me, of my marriage, of my children, or of our accomplishments. In fact, in her defense, she has spoken words of approval over the years, but they were never enough to fill my obviously empty tank, that was probably caused by a childhood of not feeling wanted. I’m throwing away that tank today and I’m taking her off the hook! I have the approval of the Creator of the universe – why do I need the approval of another sojourner?

Some people have so much emotional pain and baggage of their own, that they can’t even recognize the needs of those around them. They are empty themselves, yet we expect them to fill our needs. So what do we do with these ‘toxic’ people in our lives? We work with them, they’re our neighbors, or maybe even family members. Do we simply give a cold shoulder and ignore or avoid them? Do we put up our guard when we have to be around them and resolve that no matter what they say or do, we WILL NOT allow it to hurt us or get under our skin…yet again? I’ve tried these tactics and others and they never seem to work. So I asked myself the obvious cliché’ – what would Jesus do? I remembered that Jesus called Peter (his dear friend) Satan and then told him to get behind him that he was a stumbling block. This shows me that even those who follow Jesus can be the mouthpiece of our enemy. So, I’ve decided to try something new. When I get around anyone who brings out the worst in me: anger, a sense of rejection, guilt, depression, judgment, etc., I am going to laugh. I’ve realized that I am allowing them to control me and steal my joy. I have become their puppet; you and I need to cut those strings and quit dancing for them. Ecclesiastes 3:4 says, “There is a time to laugh” – I think this is a perfect time to laugh at Satan and the old approval addicted me.

We are called to love one another, not to constantly seek their approval. We must hold on to our joy and peace at all cost, because that joy drives us to the next step in the journey and plan that God has for our lives. So love your mother-in-law or your own mother or your neighbor or your boss, but NEVER allow anyone to take your focus off of Jesus. So the next time someone else’s words hit a raw place in your soul like, “These aren’t the kind of turnip greens I wanted!” – try laughing at the failed attempt to steal your peace. “She is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future” (Proverbs 31:25).