What I Learned from a 14 Year Old This Week

My friend received an email from her son’s middle school teacher this week.  This was part of the message:  …I wanted to thank you for raising such a nice young man and let you know of your son’s admirable behavior yesterday.  A student in class was very loudly disrespectful to me and your son spoke up and told that boy, “Don’t talk to her like that.”  The email went on to say that the other students took their attention away from the disrespectful student and noticed more that her son had had the courage to be an ‘upstander’.

As I read the words of the email, I was proud and ashamed all at once.  I was super proud of my friend’s child because he’s an amazing young man, but at the same time, I was ashamed of myself.  Many situations ran through my mind of times when I had simply sat by and not addressed inappropriate behavior.  Of course, as a classroom teacher, I had certainly done so.  But when it comes to my peers and my family, I have often pretended I just didn’t see or hear, or simply walked away not knowing how to respond, just trying to keep the peace. So I asked myself, “Why didn’t you speak up?”  My answer was, I was fearful that I might lose a friend, or push someone’s buttons and send them into a rage, or lose a relationship with someone that I loved deeply and possibly run them out of my life forever.  When I realized that the root of those decisions was fear, I recognized that I had been deceived into believing that peace was more important than truth.  No decision made out of fear, unless it’s something ridiculous, like skydiving or riding a bull, should be made because of fear.  I hate fear and all that it represents.  I know where it comes from and I absolutely agree with the song lyrics by Zach Williams that so perfectly “calls out” fear by saying, “Fear is a Liar!”  It’s a great song, by the way.

1 John 4:18 says, “Perfect love casts out all fear”.  If we sincerely love people, we need to stand up to them when we see them doing wrong.  Maybe we shouldn’t do it at the exact moment, but later on, in private…in love.  We don’t genuinely love people if we don’t want to help them grow.  2 Timothy 1:7 states, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”  Many years ago, I was an instructional aide at an elementary school.  One day, one of the teachers I worked with, made a first grade student cry.  The student ran over to me and grabbed me around the legs sobbing, desperately seeking my help.  I was heartbroken for the child, because from my perspective, the teacher was the one with the inappropriate behavior.  I went back to the teacher several days later (that’s how long it took me to muster up the courage to have a conversation that I knew wasn’t going to go well). I  privately let her know that I didn’t approve of how she treated the child.  Needless to say, she very quickly put me in my place by reminding me that I worked under her supervision and had no right to question anything she said or did in HER classroom.  The years went by, I became a teacher, and we would occasionally bump into each other; we usually both tried to avoid one another.  But eventually, after many more years went by, we were able to produce small talk with one another again, and I think she forgave me for getting ‘out of my lane’.  I forgave her when I went through menopause and playfully (??) choked my own teacher’s aide one day in class instead of a student (sorry Carolyn)!  I guess maybe I was out of line.  But, I can truthfully say, I have never regretted that confrontation.  I knew in my heart that it was the right thing to do and that maybe, as awkward as it was, that conversation might save another child from mistreatment.  However, after that incident, for many years, I was reluctant to confront others because I knew what it could do to a relationship.  But today, I am inspired, by a kid named Gabe, who by the way isn’t exactly perfect.  His mom just texted me that she had to scream at him three times to get out of bed this morning.  Come on mom, being a voice against evil is exhausting work…but, it’s the crystal clear choice